Why is it so difficult to make meaningful and sustainable changes in our lives? What keeps us from saying yes to work that has the potential to enrich us and bring us more ease and joy?

A friend and I were chatting recently about this. We’ve both had experiences in our own healing and growth that have required us to show up, learn and do the work. We know that for sustainable change to take place, there is no quick fix – we need to practice making changes. We’re both movement therapists and educators, and we love that we get to work with people who have decided to be active participants in their own healing.

Our conversation went down a rabbit hole of wonderings that have continued to reverberate through me. We wondered why it is that some people are eager and willing to do the work, and why others are hoping and waiting for some sort of magic wand or miracle pill. We wondered how different the world (and our health care system!) would be if more people invested and actively participated in their self-care and personal growth on an ongoing basis.

If you decided to learn a new language or how to play an instrument, you wouldn’t expect to have any level of proficiency without also having some sort of instruction and then spent time and energy practicing. The thing about deciding you’re going to learn a new craft, language, sport, instrument, etc. is that you have a pretty good idea of what to expect. You start as a beginner, learn a bit, practice a bit, then repeat.

Choosing to make changes in our mental and physical health or in our relationships is like contemplating a journey to a different planet. There may be some sort of template or outline for the process, but there is no one-size-fits-all formula. Because you are unique, no one can tell you exactly how it will feel or what it will look like. You’re stepping into the unknown.

Is there growing, changing or healing that you’d like to do but haven’t? What is keeping you from it?

Are you afraid nothing will work, or that you’ll make things worse? Do you believe on some level that change isn’t possible, or that it’s not possible for you? Do you tell yourself it’s not that bad, that you can live with it? Or is it just a feeling in your gut that keeps you from making that phone call, sending that email, or clicking “yes” on that website?

About that feeling in your gut … your nervous system is hard-wired against change. It loves patterns, and change is dangerous. When you contemplate change, even if that change is positive, your nervous system fights back with every weapon in its arsenal. Your heart pounds, blood rushes to your head, your gut clenches, your hands sweat… Hello, Fear!!!

And as if that isn’t enough, the spokesperson for your nervous system, your inner voice, steps in, offering more fear, doubt, blame, criticism, denial…it knows exactly what to say – after all, it has had lots of practice steering you back from the brink of change.

Your mind is sneaky – it has all sorts of mechanisms that will step in and prevent you from doing the work of nurturing and healing mind, body and spirit. Distraction, fear, avoidance, confusion… whatever it takes to keep you from wading into the unknown, into the scary waters of real and sustainable change.

How does your inner voice talk to you? What games does it play to get what it wants?

Reasoning or arguing with your nervous system is like dealing with a kid having a temper tantrum. Instead of applying logic, you have to apply patience, reassurance and love.

Love for yourself, belief that you are worthy of and capable of change. Love for your nervous system and that inner voice that is trying to keep you safe.

The next time you hear your inner critic telling you what you should or shouldn’t do, pause for a moment. Put one hand on your heart and the other on your gut if you can.

What is the change your nervous system is anticipating? What is it trying to protect you from? If there is real danger present, then by all means get away from it. In all other cases, say thank you to your body for wanting to keep you safe, and ask your inner critic if they’d like to dance. See where the music takes you. 

And on the subject of resisting change… Book News!!!

A few weeks ago I decided to dance with my fears about finishing the book I started writing over two years ago. I’m thrilled to report that the draft copies have been printed and are currently in the eager and willing hands of my beta readers. The tentative title is “The Power of the Pause”, and I’m so excited about sharing this important work with the world! Stay tuned – I’ll keep you posted through the next steps, and will let you know when the book is available for pre-order!